Things I learned last year

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The day you stop learning new things, stop accepting change (even though we hate it) and stop adapting to new circumstances is the day you die, figuratively not literally. As much as I would love to freeze time and hide my head in the sand, it’s not an option and I had to get through the past one year learning some life lessons.

I guess these are lessons only to be experienced personally while navigating this journey called life. No one’s journey is the same what I learned was what I needed.

1. There are things you can’t control. I like being in control of my environment and things that happen in my life but there are a lot of times you will not be able to control anything – and that is when you have to just take a deep breath and let go. Let go of what you cannot control and just go along the ride.

2. Sometimes you just need to not bother. Two years ago I got really agitated with something that was happening. I vented, I entertained thoughts of throwing the towel in, it made me irritated beyond belief. Then I had a break, we had a break before it came back into my life. During that short break, I had the time to take stock that the impact it would have on my life was dependent on how much I allowed it to impact me personally. I was ready for it when it was back – by just not bothering. And it helped greatly.

3. Just say no. No explanation needed.

4. Fear will hold you back. Whenever I try something new, I fear. It’s a normal human emotion. Before each dive, my stomach get knotted up and I feel like throwing up. Then I get the first dive over with and it’s fine. Not only with diving but with each ‘scary’ thing that happen, I start overthinking and it gets me every time. I doubt I will ever get over this initial fear but I can definitely work around it.

5. Be frank. Late last year I got vibes (actually it was clear writing on the wall) that a guy was ‘interested’ in me. I did not reciprocate. I refused to give out my phone number and only friended him on Facebook as I did with all the others in the same group where we met (and since FB is more distant, I guess). Anyway, after having him message over FB to ask me if I was free for dinner (nope, I wasn’t) and if I wanted to meet up (nope, I didn’t), I told him as nicely as I could that I wasn’t looking for a relationship – at least for the next few years. It was quite a hilarious – after a while of him not really getting my subtle hints, I told him straight out that we didn’t click. He said that we didn’t even have enough time to see if we clicked but I retorted that it was enough for me to know that we didn’t click. He have since unfriended me on FB. But other than that encounter, I have been more frank in other situations as well. It saves time instead of beating around the bush.

6. Broken relationships can be mended but it will never be the same again. It’s similar to Humpty Dumpty or a broken vase – it can be glued back together but it will have the cracks and scars. But it can be mended. It just depends if people are willing to set aside their differences.

7. Confront things that need to be confronted. But then #4 will hold you back. But just do it if the time is right. It can be freeing. I had the opportunity to confront something last year – it was difficult when I was thinking of doing it but in the end, it was so freeing.

8. Lie low. I like to think that my days of wanting to be noticed have disappeared. It’s better not to be noticed then to be noticed for the wrong reasons. If I can live without causing any splashes, I would.

9. You don’t have to plan everything – just wing it, you might be pleasantly surprised.

10. Move on. I’m still learning this. I’m trying to grapple with the thought of leaving my chance of a safe and comfortable year next year and am working towards a goal of a gap year. The idea is scary and might never come to fruition but it’s nice to think.

April 6, 2018
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